When he reached 5 he and his brother both played tee ball, and as they got older they played baseball! When Matthew was in 1st grade it was discovered that he was AD/HD. He began with a tutor then. As he progressed in school the problem remained, he had a tutor till I997.
As he started junior high he started having his own style. He started growing his hair longer, and started dressing like he wanted. He never got into trouble. Made friends, spent lots of time with his brother! By his sophomore year in high school his honey blonde, wavy hair was to the middle of his back. He had green eyes with amazing gold speckles. He had perfect skin, and very chiseled facial features. He was tall and thin, and honestly very stunning! He chose to wear black jeans, tee shirts, and combat boots or air walks. He loved music like, Megadeth, Metallica, Ozzy, & Marilyn Manson. He loved to be outside, roller bladding, skateboarding, being in the woods.
My Matthew was also bipolar, something he inherited from me, as did MJ. He had a tight group of 4 friends, of course his brother was also part of that group. Sometimes Matthew liked to be alone out in the woods or down in the basement listening to his discman. Matthew was a peaceful kid ,never having been in a fight, except of course with his brother. Matthew suffered occasional bouts of depression, but for the most part seemed very happy! Until mid year sophomore year, when a rumor had started about Matthew.
Matthew had told one of his friends that he was bisexual. Now I don t care if he was bisexual or gay. I have serious problems with any type of prejudice! The only thing I hate about him being bisexual, is that he may have had a lot of inner turmoil. I don't know what he was feeling. I only found out from his best friend 3 months after his death. However a lot of kids at school knew. Most importantly there was a horrid bully who daily verbally abused and physically beat Matthew. The only time the principal stepped in was the one time Matthew fought back. Both boys were suspended for three day. Please tell me why, why, why Matthew deserved to miss one day of school. He was the victim!
This bully really pushed Matthew...until Matthew went home after a crappy day with his bully and other kids who taunted him. He went home, told his girlfriend how depressed he was and she made the comment that he was always depressed. They fought, she had to get off the phone. He told her he might as well put himself out of her misery. MJ. heard the whole conversation. After Matthew hung up with her he said a few words to MJ., then got into the closet. MJ. thought he was probably getting his skateboard(he wasn't).
About a half-hour later MJ. decided to mess around with Matthew outside. When he couldn't find him outside he figured that Matthew was listening to music in the basement. As he neared the middle step he found Matthew hanging from the jump rope he'd gotten from the closet. He got Matthew down, 911 was called, and Matthew "lived" on life support for 8 more hours! Then he was gone!
That's the day my sun, moon, and stars went away!
There is a hole somewhere in the area of my heart where Matthew was! He was my second born. He was half my heart. My world doesn't spin right any more! I never knew that missing anyone could go this deep! There is no love like the love we have for our children! I would have given him anything!
It's so hard to be with MJ(of course I love him, and worry, worry, worry about him) but when I'm with MJ. all I can think is that Matthew should be right next to him! Christmas, mothers day, his birthday...WHY!
I want to dedicate this to Matthew Christopher who would have been 19 On January 28th.
I love you my sweet face!
01/28/82 – 05/25/97